Baba asked, "Have you read God Speaks ?"
"I tried to, but then I got pregnant and could not concentrate on reading it. I felt incapable of caring for another child [she already had four]. With Lyn's eye problem, his physical needs are very great."
She asked, "Baba, why do I have so much to do?"
Baba did not respond, and she continued, "I felt things were beyond my capacity, so I had a legal abortion and sterilization just before coming. Baba, I can't explain, but I feel bereaved."
Phyllis recalled: "As I spoke, I heard, felt and saw myself as a great mother, Rachel of the Bible, who had climbed to the mountaintop and met her God there, and was wailing in a terrible cry for her murdered children.1
"I was there complaining to Baba, crying out in pain to God. I was a mother besieged by work for children, a handicapped husband, and her own needs for some time for herself. And I was a mother who killed her unborn child, as existential an act as human beings can do within the man-made laws."
Baba did not comment on her confession. He was very grave and asked, "How well do you understand God Speaks ?"
She said, "I don't know; only you can know whether I understand what you have written."
Baba made his circular gesture again, and Phyllis asked what it meant. "Not bad; pretty good," Eruch said.
Baba continued, "Read God Speaks three or four times. Your eyes will weep and weep and weep. Your heart will burn and burn and burn, and be consumed. And you will experience the Real."
Phyllis later recounted: "The impact of these words came into my consciousness like a bomb. All the petty issues of my life instantly collapsed, like a congested slum, into rubble and dust."
She tried to continue the interview longer and return to the light friendly atmosphere of half an hour before. She mentioned someone who sent a message to Baba through her to help him. A cloud came over Baba's face, and he dismissed her, gesturing, "You have had quite enough time. Do you know how many millions of people need me right now?" And Phyllis was sent outside.
Next to be called inside was Cynthia Adams. When she entered the hall, Cynthia, too, sat at Baba's feet, Francis on her right. Through Eruch, Baba stated, "You are blessed that I have allowed you to see me. Do you remember when I visited your house in 1956?"
Footnotes
- 1.Rachel is one of the Matriarchs in the Old Testament. Rachel's weeping is a symbolic reference to her mourning those of her people who were massacred or sent into exile.