Were he not sent, I would have gone. Regarding the two items in Circular Number 9 [issued on 28 March 1953] about humiliation and violent death, I felt they would take place in Kashmir. So, I asked Kain and Dhar to make arrangements in Kashmir for getting permits and arranging accommodations for myself and the mandali. There was no question that I would go to Kashmir; but because of the unavailability of the station wagon and my whole plan becoming topsy-turvy, Kashmir was canceled. Let us see what God's will is, and what happens about Kashmir.
From what Krishnaji says, since last month the whole atmosphere there is changed politically. Spiritually it is in a mess. This is the present position in Kashmir, and if what I felt is right, it has to do with the upset of my plan. I call it an upset, in my own way, but really it had to happen. So, I canceled my trip to Kashmir.
Baba continued:
Now we come to the main point. You have all read Life Circular Number 9 . It stands good and will stand good. Nothing can change it if what I feel is right. But if what I feel is not right, may God help me and you all. Then, Baba is no Baba. But I know for certain, based on certain feelings, that I will have to face humiliation, then attack and then manifestation, which means the breaking of my silence and dropping the body.
Today, I feel that before December ends, something serious is going to happen to my body, but not like what happened in America. Don't tell this to others! God knows, and I know, that I first thought of my work, then of the mandali, those with me and away from me, then of those dependent on me and then about certain programs before the end of December.
So, I told Eruch to make a complete list of Eastern and Western devotees and to divide it into three different groups; namely, 1) ticked, 2) question marked, and 3) crossed. Crossed are those who do not financially depend on me. Question marked are those who are to be discussed, which was done yesterday with the help of Adi [Sr.], Meherjee and Nariman. The question of those dependent on me has been settled up to the end of December, as I feel something serious may happen before December end. Now, this is again a paradox which you will never be able to understand. Just see.