One day, all of a sudden, I felt nature's call. I wanted to move my bowels, but it was impossible because I had not had any food. I sat there and had no stool. Then I saw with these gross eyes of mine circles and circles, whole universes. From that moment, instead of the divine bliss that I had been in for nine months, I was in such tortures that no one in the world can understand. I used to bang my head to relieve my pain. I scarred my head on floors and walls. I could not contain myself. It was as if the whole universe was on my head. I used to break windows open with my forehead.
Then I was drawn to Sai Baba. It was an intense urge. Sai Baba directed me to Upasni Maharaj. He picked up a stone and hit me on the head. All at once, I felt calm. Then seven years passed, and one day Maharaj folded his hands and said, "Merwan, you are the Avatar."
Babajan was active and had bright eyes, and even at 125 years old she was extremely active. She always sat under her tree, rain or shine. You could feel love flowing freely from her. She once told the group there: "I have so made this Son of mine that one day he will make the whole world dance around his finger!" There was no talk of money then; people just came for darshan. If anyone asked for anything, she got out a stick. Always she stroked her left arm. I cannot explain why, but she did it purposely. She used to walk fast, and at 85 she would run fast also. Years ago the mandali had to run or use their bicycles to keep up with me. She gave me divine bliss; Sai Baba gave me divine power; Upasni Maharaj gave me divine knowledge.
I am now infinitely enjoying bliss, and infinitely suffering at the same time. As soon as I drop my body, I will go back to my abode of Infinite Bliss. I suffer and suffer. From October, for three months, there will be the climax of my sufferings, and then the world will recognize me.
Sometimes I feel, "Why explain anything?" Just come, sit down, you all be here, be quiet and be in the company of Baba. Sometimes I feel like explaining things. I wonder which is better. What shall we do? Shall we go on explaining, or shall we be quiet?