I am coming to one very important point that will dispel all doubts. Maharaj had to undergo all these experiences with women in my place, and that began at a certain point which will make you all understand how perfect he was.
Babajan first kissed me on my forehead, and that made me, in an instant, experience my Infinite State. Now I will explain what that anubhav [experience] is, which really cannot be expressed. I, all of a sudden, entered a "vacuum," and only consciousness remained. But how should I make you understand this? I was not there, nothing was there, nobody, no akash [sky, space] — nothing. But consciousness was there, and I was lost in that consciousness. And then I immediately got the consciousness that I am this [this consciousness] — and that Bliss cannot be expressed even by me. That Bliss is continual even now. But added to it now is misery and suffering of the whole universe.
After that state of nine months, I was absolutely unconscious of everything except that I am God. And something urged me to come down to normal consciousness. I used to dash my forehead against the walls, stones, ground, iron bars, and my forehead used to bleed; but normal consciousness was not there. Even in my infinite state of bliss, that urge brought me to where Maharaj was in the Khandoba Temple [at Shirdi].
Now, see this paradox. I saw no one but myself everywhere; and when Maharaj saw me, he flung a stone at me which hit me on the forehead. Immediately when it struck me, in an instant I came down to normal consciousness. Then I had both — the Infinitely Divine and ordinary human consciousness in me.
Maharaj told Durgabai about it, and she began loving me as she had loved Maharaj. After some time, Maharaj told the mandali, "What I had, I have given to Merwan." And after that, a dual role began to be played by Maharaj. Simultaneously, he made Durgabai jealous and began talking against me.
He was now all alone in his work, but he had entrusted me with my Ancient Experience. He began something that made Durgabai jealous. Durgabai, who loved me and Maharaj 100 percent, who served both of us 100 percent, began to feel jealous and upset. Maharaj did that purposely, and he began telling people, "I have given nothing to Merwan."