So I have the kantala [disgust] of the mandali's kantala and also that of the world's, which will disappear once I speak; but I cannot do that until the kantala increases.
To illustrate this, Baba stated:
At noon the sun is always at its meridian. When the mornings are cloudy, though it is not dark, the sun is not visible. When it is cloudy at night, the darkness is more. Suppose it is cloudy until a quarter to twelve noon, and suddenly the clouds disappear at midday. When the sun shines, it will be the usual, bright midday sun. But there is a difference in the atmosphere. The sudden appearance of the sun after the clouds will prove pleasing and cheerful. But if clouds remain for a month, it will give rise to disgust, which would increase every day. When the clouds finally disappear, the disgust will also disappear. Everything will then look cheerful and fine, and the effect of the sun on the mind, heart and health will be very good.
So is the case with me. The clouds may disperse even at one minute to twelve noon, but in that one minute I feel greater disgust. Just as with a pregnant woman having birth pangs and feeling fed up until she delivers the child, I too feel greater disgust at the time clouds are dispersing. The woman knows that the child will be born in five minutes and she will be free of her troubles; still, at the moment she feels it is better to die. Just see the limits of disgust in these five minutes. My disgust is now nearing that pitch! How ridiculous it would be to ask the woman in labor to take a walk in the fresh air. She would reply that she knows all about what is going to happen to her, since she has already given birth to ten children. So he who has had experience of this sort of disgust knows it only too well.
While conversing with the mandali later that same day, Baba observed:
Why do you suffer from loss of memory? When someone receives a sudden shock, he is likely to lose his memory. His mind goes blank and its past link with things related to it is snapped. Sanskaras are there in the mind, but because of the snapping of the mental link, one does not recognize anyone or anything. He even forgets his near and dear ones.