He was destined to find peace in a different way.1
As the years passed, Sheriar became increasingly despondent. He began to doubt if his aim would ever be achieved. He felt hopeless, as never before. He knew that with his formidable determination he could venture anywhere, yet he could not accomplish what he wanted — to realize God. His perseverance was turning into bitter frustration.
As a last resort, Sheriar wandered to an isolated forest in Gujarat where he decided to perform what is known as chilla-nashini , a severe spiritual penance. A circle is drawn on the ground by the penitent's own hand; for 40 days and nights he must not step out of the circle, forgoing food and sleep. He must face whatever comes. Those who try it but do not succeed usually die or go mad.
There appeared to be no other solution or choice in Sheriar's mind. He was 30 years old. It had been eighteen years since he had left his hometown of Khorramshah as a boy. He had always been chaste; he had lived on alms. He had been honest and brave; but everything he had done seemed in vain, for he had not achieved union with God. To return to the world and live in conformity with society was abhorrent to him. Sheriar had reached the point where it had to be either Realization of God or death!
Sure of his decision, he drew the circle around himself on the ground — his heart imploring God to come and meet him.
Slowly time passed. After some days, he heard horrible screams then terrible noises. Suddenly, a roaring lion appeared in front of him, ready to pounce and devour him. Sheriar did not move — the lion disappeared. Some time later a ferocious tiger appeared and stalked around the circle for hours. Again, Sheriar did not move and the tiger disappeared. Once flames rose out of the ground on all sides of the circle. The flames moved closer to him, and he was convinced he would be burned alive. Still he did not move and the flames died. Wild shouting giants appeared with spears held menacingly. They had painted faces like masks of death with blood in their eyes. Sheriar still did not move and they too eventually disappeared. Many other dreadful apparitions came and vanished. The torturous visions became continual.
Footnotes
- 1.While wandering in India, Sheriar once passed through Arangaon Village, near what is now Meherabad (the ashram and Tomb of Meher Baba).