Chapter 36: Interested In Remaining Disinterested
1960Page 4,723 of 5,444
Eruch would try to strike up some conversation, but Baba would not respond, sitting with his chin down, and only occasionally forcing a smile.
It would be so painful for us. We never saw him this way, as if for the first time Baba had lost his sense of humor, which had never happened before. It was an extremely distressing atmosphere.
He said he was having tremendous pressure of work, "You have no idea what I am suffering."
Such stray remarks he would make. It was sort of a nerve-shattering experience [for us].
Once, it became so unbearable that for the first time I heard Eruch burst out, "Baba, really this is now unbearable for all of us. We request you to stop this suffering upon yourself. We don't care for any benefit for us; we don't care for realization. Burn us all up! We request you to please ease a little the burden on yourself. We can't bear to see you suffer like this."
There was hushed silence, and in spite of all this, Baba looked up.
There was a slight shadow of a smile on his lips and Baba brushed him aside, "Restrain yourself and don't get carried away!"
That was the only response Baba gave. We could only imagine what stress he must be under at that time.
Baba again had one night free from fever on 13 October 1960 and slept well. But the next day, the pain was the same continuous throb, but more on the root of the tongue and the right ear. On the 18th, Don and Padri were called to Meherazad to examine Baba and suggest some treatment.
The following day and night, Baba's condition was poor. The throat ulcers were very painful and Baba could not sleep at all. The pain in his ear was intense and swallowing for him was almost impossible. Goher was afraid the ophthalmic nerve might become damaged and affect Baba's right eye. She consulted a skin specialist in Poona for treatment on post-herpetic neuralgia, as the pain was becoming so neuralgic that even a cool draft would hurt it. Only warmth would help. Winter was approaching in India, but Baba would not stay in his room as the women mandali wanted, so that they could keep his face covered with warm clothing and compresses to prevent this pain. Since Baba insisted on continuing his work, it was impossible to keep his face covered.