Baba, do something about me! Free me from this horrible halfway state — that of being cut off from the life I knew and having the new life withheld for some reason or other. I know you didn't bring me to India to flounder around like a fish out of water. I feel so sterile, so useless, so utterly devoid of inspiration, so dull! I know locked away within my mind, there is beauty and productiveness and the ability to create; and in my heart there is that great longing to be of use, of service to you and your cause. You have the key that will unlock all this and cause it to come flooding forth in a vast unlimited stream of energy which can be turned to such terrific advantage. Why do you hesitate to turn it, to make use of the inner forces I have laid at your feet in love and trust? I know you will one day, but meanwhile I'm going slowly nuts!
All my life I've been active, used to having things happen, making them happen, glorying in accomplishment, however small and insignificant it may have been when compared with what I may do for you, if you will only let me — help me. I can't just sit down and twiddle my thumbs and smile sweetly at the others in our group and talk about Urdu verbs and where did the strange bird come from that Ruano found in her cage. And even taking a trip of this sort isn't enough, because no matter how many miles I go in quest of action (and I mean productive action), I really go nowhere, because it is all within me with the doors of my mind and soul still tightly shut. With you to help, I can sit at my desk in Nasik and turn out great plays, great film stories, deathless prose — anything — without stirring from my chair. I know all that. I want to do it. I want to have some knowledge, something, I can hand out to others in my world who need it, the things I came from America to receive. If I should suddenly return to the West at this moment, I would go back with empty hands, with nothing but the memory of a few blessed hours with you, and little else.
When I look around at many of those who have come through the past few years with you, I am filled with wonder and perplexity.