Flooded with light, he felt as if millions of watts of electric current were speeding through his body, dissolving his flesh and bones. He had no body; his being now consisted of electricity. His body had transmuted into light!
Merwan's breath was stifled; he felt as if thousands of hands were strangling him and his heart was about to stop. Panic overwhelmed him. One cannot imagine how terrified he was. For instance, take the fear of a man who does not know how to swim. Suppose he is held under deep water, and he starts to drown. The man would experience fear due to suffocation and the certainty that he is about to die. Or imagine the terror of someone being violently strangled to death.
Even these experiences are different from the terrible fear that Merwan experienced that night. His experience cannot be grasped by the intellect. What he experienced was the vacuum of the nirvana or fana-fillah state of self-annihilation and the rising of the spiritual consciousness latent in each soul's Infinite Unconsciousness.
The cause of Merwan's terror was the total loss of his individual drop-soul identity. He was crossing beyond his individuality — his dropness — and becoming Universal. He had entered the Beyond.
The veil that the five Perfect Masters had drawn over Merwan had been torn away by Babajan's kiss. "Merwan" was gone; he found himself being drowned and absorbed by the Infinitude of God. He was given the infinite consciousness of being God, but in turn, he lost his awareness of time and space, of his body and mind, and of the world and the gross plane. He had only the conscious, continual experience of "I Am God ... I Am God ... I Am God." Nothing else existed for him.
Merwan lay on his bed enraptured in an unspeakable ecstasy, the ineffable bliss of realizing himself to be God. All of his divine experiences were completely internal. There was no sound heard from him. No one in the family knew what had happened to him.
Merwan was usually an early riser, but, the next morning, when he didn't appear as usual, Memo asked her family, "Where is Merog? Did he go out early?" She went to his room to investigate and found him still in bed. "Merog, get up, it's late. Breakfast is ready. You will be late for your classes."
Receiving no reply, Memo went near his bed and inquired, "Merog, can you hear me?"